After two years, and a couple of major life events, I finally found it. My peaceful little farm. I signed the papers today, agreeing to a healthy mortgage payment (the guy at the bank, preparing my cashier’s check for the title company, helpfully told me that the Latin meaning of mortgage is death pledge. Nice.) and plenty of fix up work in the next year or so, not to mention property maintenance (looking forward to that!), and I’m a proud new homeowner. Gulp!
I dressed a little nicer today than I usually do, feeling the need to honor this transaction with attire that said (to me?) I’m serious, worthy, professional, and an adult. I walked the few blocks from the office to the bank (right next to the building the title company was in) with a stomach full of butterflies, not sure why I was so nervous. I imagined all sorts of scenarios where the bank wouldn’t write the cashier’s check; I didn’t have the account number of the savings where I’ve had the money stashed waiting all these months and thought they might think I was trying to commit fraud. The checking account, debit card (have NO idea what the pin number is since I no longer use the account much – awkward!), and drivers license worked though, and the transaction was seamless, even with my nerves causing me to fumble my checkbook over the counter toward the teller, and muffed filling the withdrawal slip. “I guess I’m more nervous than I thought” I chuckled, thinking, too late, how false and conniving that must sound. Evidently not, though, as the check was prepared in minutes.
It seemed, still seems, surreal to me – ME, buying a home all by myself! How wild is that? There’s something life changing, or rite of passage about all of it. I felt like a real person, a member of society, and validated somehow, as I signed, initialed, dated, signed, and signed again, ad nauseum. When it was done I left, walking back to the office feeling amazed and excited, almost disbelieving of the fact that I just bought a house on nearly six acres, for me and the critters, all by myself. A roof of one’s own (that needs replacing ASAP). Wow.
I got a little verklempt (tawk amungst yourselvs), thinking of my mother at this momentous event in my life. “I just bought a house, Mommy” I whispered as I walked to the corner, blinking back tears. I thought of all her sacrifices for us kids, how she never owned a home of her own, and how excited and proud she would have been for me today.