So, hey. It’s been a few. I’m surprised myself that it’s been more than two years since my last post. Wow. That’s a long time! And I’m writing this hoping that it doesn’t end up like a half dozen other posts, in the Word boneyard on my ancient laptop, or stuffed on a thumb drive to be transferred to my other computer for posting. But what got me here, finally, is because a fellow shepherd friend recently contacted me about my “lung thing” (my words) from 6 years ago, and the blog posts I made back then. She has a mystery illness with some similar symptoms and has also been blogging about it occasionally (she mostly posts about her farm and animals, and cooking, knitting and travel adventures and is super regular, posting near daily, unlike yours truly). I love reading her blog, with its many interesting topics, but haven’t been happy to hear of her health struggles, remembering all too well how tough that was.
On a recent post she linked the blog posts I wrote back when I was in the thick of things and I was a little bit gobsmacked when I reread them, for a couple reasons. First, you forget the details. Those entire weekends spent curled up on the sofa except for the bare minimum of animal care, feeling like my head was splitting open (or wishing it would!), or so chilled I thought I’d never get warm. Then, suddenly, roasting hot like I was sitting inside a woodstove. My appetite gone – hungry, but absolutely nothing sounding good to eat. I was down to rice krispies and milk at the end, and even that was meh. I feel really fortunate that I found the doctor I did. I remember getting a little emotional on my last visit with her, when she said, basically, go live your life, you’re fine. And I thanked her as best I could, realizing that she kind of saved my life (I may have said exactly that). If I’d stayed with the first doctor I might still be alive, but it probably wouldn’t be much of a life.
The second reason I was kind of struck is that when I reread the posts she linked (they weren’t exclusively about the lung thing), I was like, damn, that’s some kickass writing, Mo. Why aren’t you doing that anymore? Because, girlfriend, you can WRITE. I lapsed on the blog writing in late 2018, partly because 2019 was a busy year. I was writing for money that year, had also taken some classes on writing (pitching to editors), and was working on getting my homebased business launched. So circling back to write a blog post after writing for a client three nights a week just didn’t happen (time!). But towards the end of 2019 my main employer (as a freelance writer) sent me one idiot topic too many, and as I was working on launching my side business, when they stopped sending requests, I just didn’t follow up on why, or lobby to stay employed. It wasn’t terrible pay, as those things go, and I liked working with the editor, but writing about things I disagreed with (bringing your dogs shopping – what stores allowed dogs – ugh) or couldn’t comment on, was really tough.
ANYway, I’ve basically not written anything, like seriously, nothing, for a year now. It’s weird to me, and I don’t quite know why. I can posit a half dozen reasons, but most of them just sound like excuses. Which is because that’s all they are. I wasn’t moved to write is the best, and least satisfying, of them. I don’t think the pandemic year of 2020 had anything to do with it either. There were (are) a lot of stressors in that year of course, not the least of which is the monster we had as president until the election. That guy took a lot of emotional bandwidth and the daily attack of outrages were hard to bear.
But here I am, with lots to say, as always. I don’t want to promise anything about getting back in the groove or back in the saddle or whatever other metaphor you choose. I am hopeful, however, that I WILL get back in the game and start blogging regularly again. I’ve mostly stuck to Instagram – a photo or six and some pithy (or not so pithy – verbosity is still an issue) words and that desire to write, to express myself, to be heard, is fed. Let’s see if we can do better though. A lot has happened in the past couple years, yet everything’s mostly the same, and without regular posts you forget. The time slips by and this past year especially has taught us how precious time is, and how important it is to LIVE your life, not just be alive.
So how are all of you? A few of my blogger friends have kept at it in the two years I’ve been gone, although a lot have gotten busy with life and slipped a little too. Everyone out there still doing okay? It’s been a heckuvayear, hasn’t it? Living through history isn’t something I anticipated. At least not to this degree. History is always being made of course, but so often it’s stuff that doesn’t affect us directly. This past year though, whew. Too much to go into here, but each of us was affected profoundly. And some in the worst way possible – losing someone to the virus. Stay safe and wear your masks! We’re almost there.